I Really Just Want to Reach the End of the Rainbow
by waistdeepinsand
Summary: When Santana was five and a half years old, one good thing and one bad thing happened that would change her life significantly. She learned that a rainbow wasn't hard or tangible or touchable so she couldn't actually run up a rainbow and get to the other end. That and Brittany Susan Pierce became a student at Ohio Kindergarten.
1. Chasing the Rainbow

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They all belong to Ryan Murphy, Fox and anyone else who holds rights to Glee.**

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Santana had never been a happy child. Since she was not genetically predisposed to sadness, she was not a sad child either. All she knew was that she felt like poo whenever her parents were away from home. And that happened a lot.

She learned to entertain herself with her countless baby dolls, and play teacher with them. She learned to put herself to bed and sing herself to sleep. Most importantly, she learned that when she expressed to her Mami and Papi that she felt like poo because they were never home, she got everything she wanted. Because Santana was a clever child, she used that to her advantage. She threw tantrums, she cried, she chose to be bratty so she could get more and more and more... even after coming to the realisation that more was never enough.

Still, she clung on to hope, and to her imaginary rainbow of happiness. If she could just reach the other end, that lump in her throat might stop appearing whenever she saw her classmates' mummies drop them off at school with hugs and kisses; or that urge to kick something when her classmates' daddies pick them up in their arms when it was time to go home. Instead, she got Mister Stevenson, the family's old and portly driver. He was nice but he wasn't mummy or daddy.

She didn't understand why her parents never hugged and kissed her, or held her when she had nightmares. Was it because she wasn't pretty enough? Was it because she still occasionally sucked her thumb at five? Was it because she was naughty? Was it because she wasn't lovable enough?

So she tried her hardest to be the lovabalest and the prettiest and the bestest. She read more books because her Papi liked books. She chose her daily attire with the most careful diligence because her Mami loved pretty clothes. She did grown up things, like spraying nice-smelling water on her neck and drinking coffee at the breakfast table, because while her Papi and Mami didn't always speak to her, they always, always spoke to big people.

But night after night, her dreams always ended the same way. No matter how hard or fast she ran up the rainbow, she could never make it past the arch. Sometimes, the colours of the rainbow would meld and swirl into a massive black hole that swallowed her whole. Sometimes, the rainbow would buck and writhe such that despite her best efforts, she could scarcely hold on. And then she would wake up because she was falling, falling, falling... She always wondered what would happen if she hit the ground before she woke up.

When Santana was five and a half years old, one good thing and one bad thing happened that would change her life significantly.

She learned that a rainbow wasn't like the flower in her garden, or the television in her house, or the road outside. It wasn't hard or tangible or touchable so she couldn't actually run up a rainbow and get to the other side.

That and Brittany Susan Pierce became a student at Ohio Kindergarten.


	2. Violet

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own the rights to the show or to any of the characters. They belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox.**

**Purple or violet assists those who seek the meaning of life and spiritual fulfillment - it expands our awareness, connecting us to a higher consciousness. For this reason it is associated with transformation of the soul and the philosophers of the world are often attracted to it. (Sourced from Empower-Yourself-With-Psychology)**

**Lastly, thanks for taking time to read this!**

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So it was that at five and a half, Santana realised the difference between loneliness and being alone. By the time she met Brittany, she had gotten used to being alone. In fact, she was really good at being alone. Being an only child for over five years would gift you that.

Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for loneliness because try as she might, loneliness was still a feeling that she couldn't shake off and that she really didn't want to feel. (It was only after she met Quinn that she realised loneliness was something no one got used to.)

That said, she tried really, really hard to rid that missing in her heart. She chanted under her breath, like her Mami would do when she really wants the cars on the road to disappear. She attempted to regale her classmates with chatter and play but that made it worse. That missing in her heart just seemed to grow bigger so she stopped (none of them were good enough for her company anyway, maybe except for Noah; she did enjoy his company somewhat, when he wasn't being a dummy)

She just couldn't find anything to plug that hole in her soul... until she met Brittany.

The first thing that Santana noticed about Brittany was not her blue eyes or her brilliant smile or her cute little dimples. It wasn't the way she danced or the way her whole body literally vibrated when she was excited. It wasn't even the way she hugged everyone she met (Santana latched onto that immediately because her personal space was about 5 feet wide and her walls doubly high). It was her bubble (she would later come to learn that a better term was aura).

As someone who didn't like to mingle much with the other kids, Santana spent a little of her play time scaring other kids off the swing and most of her play time depositing different sized and coloured bubbles over her classmates' heads from her prime spot on her swing. For instance, Noah's bubble was a navy blue, the black fat girl was a royal purple because she was such a diva and the Jewish girl with the large eyes (and larger nose) was a bright orange. Because she was so loud and enthusiastic all the time, Santana gave fruit girl's bubble a free upsize. When fruit girl walked around the playground, Santana imagined her humongous bubble scaring other children out of the way. After all, nobody wanted to get their bubbles popped. Maybe that was why Berry was like her, always alone. (Or maybe it was because no one wanted to be friends with a fruit. Berry was a stupid name.)

But the difference between her and Berry was that she would deliberately pop other children's bubbles. Berry would not. Berry was nice and just...a social abnormality she guessed. (Santana really had no issue with Berry till high school. When she grew older, she would learn the social abnormality was the fact that Rachel had 2 dads. That and Berry was actually her last name, not her first.)

Now Brittany.. Brittany had a different bubble as well. Hers was multi-coloured. Sometimes, it was blue like her eyes. Other times, it was a bright yellow like the sun or white like the little daisies peppered around the playground. But her favourite was when Brittany's bubble became all shimmery, glittery and swirled with waves of light and colour. Santana was sure that Brittany's bubble was indestructible too. It must have been because there was no other way to explain why Brittany would otherwise approach Berry or herself; it was because her bubble couldn't get popped. Either that or Brittany was very very brave. (She would eventually conclude that it was the second.)

So even though Santana didn't know how to make friends with her ten feet wall and her permanent scowl, it didn't matter. Because Brittany would always run to her with her flapping pigtails and beaming smile to ask if she would like to play catch with the ducks or watch the clouds together on the swing. It didn't matter if there weren't any ducks to catch or that she didn't know what Tubbington was supposed to be shaped like because she loved sunshine and rainbows and Brittany was sunshine and rainbows. More importantly, when she was with Brittany, she forgot what it felt like to have the missing in her heart.

(In the years to come, she would have cause to remember and forget and remember and forget, but that would be a story for another chapter of her life.)

Instead of that constant ache in the chest and that bump in the throat, she was able to feel nice things, like Brittany's warm hand around hers when they ran around together, or that safe feeling she got when Brittany hugged her tight and told her she was her best friend, or the general lightness she felt when Brittany was with her. It all just felt really, really good and she didn't feel alone and she was just so happy all the time.

Brittany didn't expect her to be perfect or grown up or smart or good or everything she couldn't be and didn't want to be. At five and a half, Santana wasn't able to understand that the reason she no longer felt alone was because for the first time in her life, someone was able to appreciate and love her without any expectations, and to accept her wholly for who she was, and to still love her despite her flaws.

What Santana could understand at five and a half, was that Brittany would still talk and play with her even when she misbehaved and was being a brat. When she pushed Ashton off her swing and made him cry, Brittany simply frowned and gave Ashton her lunch cookie so that he would stop crying. When she snatched the blue crayon from Becca so Brittany could colour her sky, Brittany used the blue crayon to colour Becca's sky instead. There were no angry glares, silent treatments or harsh words.

What Santana could also definitely understand at five and a half, was that she never felt more loved than when she was with Brittany and Brittany made her want to be a better person.

So, she learned to trade Ashton her lunch cookie for the swing, and to colour Becca's sky for her in exchange for the blue crayon. And the best part of it all? It was so worth it because it made Brittany beam with pride and Brittany had the best smile in the world.


	3. Blue

**Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, followed and favourited this story. All of those take time so I'm grateful that you have taken the time and effort to do so. I've not written for a long time and am just starting to pick it up again so my chapters tend to be short. Hopefully, that would change in the near future. I had some trouble churning out the following chapter (which I believe is the weakest chapter so far) but I don't think it's THAT bad so here it is!**

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own the rights to the show or to any of the characters. They belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox.**

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One of the things Santana hated most in life was to see Brittany sad. (She also hated lizards and thought the world would be better off if they all choked on their own tails and died.)

When Brittany was sad, both her shoulders would slump a little and there would be a tiny, minuscule crease in between her brows. The changes were unnoticeable if one didn't know her well.

But having known Brittany for close to six years now, Santana considered herself a master at reading the Brittany language. Brittany was a born dancer and so her body told Santana everything she needed to know about her best friend.

When Brittany was happy, there was a little more skip in her step and swing in her arms. That one was easy enough to tell. Even a blind person would be able to feel joy radiating off Brittany when she was in a good mood and that was most of the time. Her Brittany was an effervescent ball of happiness and optimistic energy who made Santana smile when others couldn't. Brittany would grin when people would smile and she would laugh when people would grin. She was always ahead of everyone.

When Brittany was tired or bored, she would still and stop blinking. It was like she was sleeping with her eyes opened. The longest she kept her eyes opened for was a minute and two seconds. Santana knew because she kept time in one of Mrs. Miller's dreadful social studies lessons.

But what was most telling of Brittany's feelings were her hands. She had expressive hands; hands that Santana could spend hours watching. Like how Britt's fingers would do some sort of tango on her thighs when she was peckish, or how her arms gesticulated all over the place when she was excited, or how she would always, always hold Santana's hand when she was sad. Occasionally, in moments of morbid marvel and heartache, Santana wondered if Brittany only touched her so that she could share the hurt but that was a ridiculous thought because her Brittany was the sweetest person who would never wish anyone harm.

In fact, if Santana could siphon off Brittany's hurt into herself and transfer all her happiness over to Britt, it would be the best thing in the world that could ever happen to her, after Brittany herself. It would make for an awesome superpower and she would do it in a heartbeat. Besides, Brittany created most of her happiness so rightfully, she should have access to all  
of it.

But Brittany was definitely sad now and it caused Santana grief to know that she couldn't help by taking her hand because Britt had the chicken pox and Santana had never gotten the chicken pox and Mrs Pierce wouldn't let her see Brittany. The worst thing was that it was Boxing Day. They were supposed to open their presents together and skate on the lake, just like they had for the past five years. It was tradition!

But when she had cycled over to the Pierce's house two streets away, her skates packed neatly in her basket and her heart thumping away in excitement, Mrs. Pierce had for the first time in memory turned her away and told her to return two weeks later.

The rejection had hurt, even if it wasn't a true rebuff, even when she had seen Brittany venture down the stairs, scratching at the angry red spots on her arms to see who was at the door. Brittany had barely managed to get out a greeting (A very sad "Hello Santana, I have the chicken pox. It itches real bad.") before she was sternly sent back to her room by Mrs. Pierce.

That Christmas without Brittany was the bluest Christmas she would recall for ages.

On New Year's and the sixth day of Brittany's quarantine, Santana unable to stand the stifling stillness and boredom without a companion, would end up sneaking out and into Brittany's room on the second floor by scaling up a tree. While Brittany would refuse to hold her hand because of her contagious infection, she would eventually concede to hooking her pinky to Santana's as a compromise.

That visit would ultimately earn Santana a month's worth of grounding and the chicken pox. But whenever Brittany would wind her pinky around Santana's, she would remember that it was also what set in motion a new tradition, and that it was totally worth it.


End file.
